Do you agree that a happy married life on this earth is possible only when the marriage is between a blind wife and a deaf husband? The reason is because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and a deaf husband cannot hear the naggings of the wife.
Jokes apart, most people face difficulties in relationship. This relation could be husband/Wife, Father/Son, Mother/Daughter, Mother-in-law/Daughter-in-law, Boss/Subordinate, Brother/Sister, Neighbours, cousins and so on. And the worst thing is to be in abusive relationship. The purpose of this post is to figure out how to keep relationship healthy?
Why do we have problems in Relationship?
Problems are part of our life. As long as we live, one or the other problem will keep cropping up. And Relationship problem is just like any other problem in life. You cannot avoid it. What is important is how you handle problems in relationship? That will decide the quality of our life.
So let’s figure out why do we have problems in relationship and find out relationship problem’s solution.
We blame each other – Problem starts when we are not willing to understand the other person’s perspective. We all come from different backgrounds, families and cultures. There are vast differences in the values, priorities, circumstances etc between two persons. We often tend to ignore this.
The easiest thing to do is to blame the other person for everything that goes wrong. And seldom do we do introspection to find out that may be, the problem is at our end. We are not ready to give the requisite space to other person.
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If you want solutions, try to find the cause of the problems and address it rather than blaming the other person.
Lack of effective communication – Communication has the power to make or break relationships. Lack of communication creates misunderstandings and increases trust deficit. Those who are able to maintain communication channels with their partners in the worst of times often find solutions for their problems and are able to nurture healthy relationship.
On the other hand, you stop communicating with your partner and matters will go from bad to worst. The more the time elapses, the lesser are the chances of patch up.
Misunderstandings, assumptions and possessiveness – When you get hurt in relationships, it often leads to misunderstanding which aggravates the problems further. We start making lot of assumptions which may or may not be true.
Being too possessive about our loved ones and trying to micro manage the other person often leads to lot of problems. Acknowledging that the partner has to fulfil his other responsibilities also needs to be understood well.
Superiority Complex over the other partner – Two people may not have the same level of intelligence, education, wealth, presence of mind, energy levels etc. Still they may become partners in God’s scheme of things.
Is it right to have superiority complex over your partner? If you have superiority complex in your mind, then how can your relationship flourish? We need to understand that God has given unique talents to all of us. And we need to give due respect to each other’s uniqueness.
Ready with a list of past mistakes and issues of the partner – Tell me how many of you are good at this? Just think over it. Are you God who is keeping all records for your partner and is going to punish him for his sins?
You need to bury the past if you want to build the future. Insult and abuse of your partner won’t lead you anywhere. This approach will never solve your problems. Have a big heart. Be willing to give chances to others so that they can rectify their mistakes in future.
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Anybody can make mistakes in life. This time it’s him, next time it could be you. So always be open to compromise on matters so that you can lead a happy and fulfilling life.
Being non appreciative and jealous; and doing comparison with others – Being courteous and appreciative of others is a habit which always helps in developing healthy relationships.
On the other hand, being jealous and doing comparison with others screws our happiness. It’s really sad when you see people totally ignoring and failing to enjoy what they have; and instead chasing what they don’t have. It shows the extent of our selfishness and level of immaturity.
Threaten to leave the relationship – The last thing one should ever do is to threaten to leave a relationship. And most of us use it with the least of sensitivity.
Do we ever think the kind of scars such words leave on the hearts of people whom we love the most and who love us from the bottom of their heart?
Life would have been so beautiful if we knew how to handle problems in relationship. Famous International Bestselling Author Stephen R. Covey gives one effective solution in his book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families”. He suggests building Emotional Bank Account.
“The Emotional Bank Account represents the quality of relationship you have with others. It’s like a financial bank account in that you can make “deposits” by proactively doing things that build trust in relationship, or you can make “withdrawals” by reactively doing things that decrease the level of trust. And at any given time the balance of trust in the account determines how well you can communicate and solve problems with another person.”
If you have a high balance in your Emotional Bank Account with a family member, then there’s a high level of trust.”
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The ultimate solution for healing relationships is practicing Forgiveness. I know it’s not easy. But I can assure you, it will solve most of your problems in life. And this quote from www.livelifehappy.com will clear all your doubts.
“Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that their behaviour was “Ok”. What it does mean is that we’re ready to move on, to release the heavy weight, to shape our own life, on our terms, without any unnecessary burdens.”
Another beautiful quote from www.quotesfrenzy.com
“The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. And the first to forget is the happiest”