Do you get upset when somebody makes a personal attack against you? Do you hold grudges against others? Are your actions or responses influenced by your preconceived notions about others ?
If the answer to the above question is “No”, i am really happy for you. Because this shows that you are a calm, composed and level headed person who has Self Awareness and Self control; and who responds to situations with a lot of maturity.
But for those who are struggling with these issues or who have been questioned by others regularly for taking things personally, this is the time for some introspection.
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While you may argue that the fault is in others and it is they who provoke you; but is it actually the case ? Or is that there are certain shortcomings which needs to be worked upon so that you can bring positive changes in your behavior?
I want to draw your attention to seven possible reasons why most people take things personally. While there are many more reasons, but the idea is to let your mind start thinking on these lines. Once you have identified a problem and are willing to find a solution, you will find your way out.
Seven reasons why you take things personally
Lack of Self Confidence – Most of the times, other person may not be targeting you. But due to your lack of Self Confidence, you start taking things personally. Your insecurity and low Self Esteem overpower logical thinking. The result is misunderstanding and mistrust is bound to increase.
When you analyse that lack of Self Confidence is causing problems, next step is to find ways of increasing Self Confidence. This will not only help in your overall Personality Development, but your problem of taking things personally will also get solved.
Ego – People who are highly egoistic often tend to take things personally and try to take revenge from others where ever possible. Generally people with ego problems are those, who have achieved a lot in life, but are unable to remain humble and down to earth in life.
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These people often show disrespect for those who have achieved lesser in their comparison. Success makes people blind. I have seen people insulting their parents, teachers, friends, relatives without even realizing that they are hurting the feelings of those who loved them the most.
Fear of negative public image – We are so obsessed with our public image. Hence whenever somebody questions our actions especially in public, we get so angry that we start responding in an aggressive and hostile manner.
We fail to understand that this behavior is doing no better for us. Actually it is creating a negative image of us in front of others.
Be assertive, not aggressive – You may come across situations where the behavior of the other person is unjustified or illogical. It is perfectly alright to put your point of view assertively, but there is no reason to be aggressive in your behavior.
You have problem with the behavior of the person and not with that person. Understand the difference. The day you start understanding this difference, your life will become a lot more happier. Don’t hold grudges with the person.
Be Open to constructive criticism – No body is perfect in this world. There is always a scope for improvement in everybody. So are you an exception?
Why do you believe that you are Mr. Perfect and it is the other person who only needs to change. Those who are willing to change are the ones who succeed in life. So take constructive inputs from others and work upon them. May be God has sent his angel to advice you on how to come out of a problematic situation in life?
Have empathy for others – If your personality needs Development in above said areas, so can be the case with others. So why not to give the other person benefit of doubt? Why to question his intentions? Accept him with his short comings.
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Try to look things from his perspective. May be, he is right in what he is saying ? May be, he is not able to communicate properly? Not everybody could be a good communicator. Accept others and you will find that you will start getting acceptance from others.
Above all learn forgiveness – My twelve years old daughter told me “Dad, i love you because you are a good person. I want to be like you. But dad my problem is that i am not able to forgive others the way you do.”
Though i know, i have my own baggage of shortcomings, but what better a compliment a father can expect from his daughter.
She has to find her way out to solve her problem and i will keep helping her.
The other question that people often ask is that “What if i forget the past and take initiative for making cordial relations with others and they don’t respond”
My response is do whatever you can and then leave it on God to take it further.
Always try to understand others perspective. Try to understand his emotional state, his insecurity. Give him benefit of doubt, be open when other person is willing to accept his mistake. Pay attention if something is wrong on your part.
And if still there is no progress and the other person is adamant, forgive him and move on in life. I can assure you, here also you are the gainer because you achieved peace and happiness for yourself.
Positive intentions and positive energy will always reach others. So keep doing your good work without worrying for the positive results, as they are bound to come.
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