Expectation Is The Route Cause Of All Problems

Different people have different goals in life but one goal which everybody desperately wants is happiness in life.

All actions are taken by us with the ultimate objective of getting happiness.

Although we might have achieved success in various other aspects of life but still most of us fail miserably in leading a happy life.

Have you ever thought what is that one mistake that is stopping us from living a Contented and Happy life.

I have the answer the answer for you.

It is our expectation from Others and the resulting disappointment when others don’t come up to our expectations.

Let me share with you some examples to prove how selfish we are and how we keep on expecting anything and everything from others.

In the early childhood itself, we understand fully the difference between what is mine and what is yours. So we start distinguishing between our toys and that of our friends and neighbours.

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Have you observed, no matter how good and costly toys you buy for your children, they get attracted by the toys of their friends. They will keep their own toys aside and will play with the toys of others.

This way greed and jealousy starts making inroads in their thought process at such an early stage.

Comparison with friends and expectation from parents stops children from enjoying those precious moments in life.

As your children grow a little older, you start comparing your children’s abilities and talents with those of others. Again if your children don’t meet your expectations, you get disappointed in life.

Imagine the kind of pressure we put on ourselves as well as our children. Instead of appreciating the unique talents of our children, we get disheartened by the act of comparing with others. How justified are we in doing so?

And now its the time for our children to get admissions in good colleges. And if they fail to do so, we get disappointed because our expectations are not met with.

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Children on the other hand may now be expecting that their parents put in big sums of money for donations in college admission etc. And if the parents refuse, they become victims to the expectations of their children.

Amidst all these expectations, you complete your studies and get a decent job. And now its time for celebrations as you are getting married soon.

But who knew this was going to be the biggest challenge of your life. A real test for your inherent qualities of patience and adjustment.

Marriage is an important event in everybody’s life and it has an impact on many of our closed relations.

Everybody has his own expectations. Your parents have lot of expectations from their Daughter-in-law. Husband and wife have huge expectations from each other. Daughter-in-law has her expectations from her in-laws. After all she is coming to a totally new place leaving back the comforts of her parental home.

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Don’t you think if the expectations of so many people are going to clash, it will rock the boat of marriage.

And we know how sensitive and difficult are the initial years of marriage for most of us. Its so difficult to maintain a balance and make adjustments to carry on the relationships in a healthy manner.

Have you ever thought that we are always having expectations from others only ?

What are our expectations ? Actually we want others to adjust and behave the way we want.We want to bring change in them.

Do we have expectations from our selves. The answer is yes. But most of the times it is with a negative mind-set. We compare ourselves with others for achievements and then put in extra efforts just out of jealousy to outperform others.

In all other situations we expect others to change as per our requirement. The reason is simple. The phenomenon of resistance to change applies. It is very difficult to change ourselves, so we avoid it. The easier option is to expect others to change, so we apply it. 

But as they say “No gains without pains”. If we can stop the habit of expecting from others and inculcate the habit of accommodating and adjusting with others; imagine the kind of beauty we are going to bring in Human relationships. And the  happiness it will bring in our lives which we all dream for.

Photo Credit : David Castillo Dominici from Freedigitalphotos.net


    • Anoop Gupta

      Hi Somali

      I completely agree with you. We as parents are most of the times totally unaware of the kind of pressure which our expectations put on our children.

  1. Kaku Jafri

    Kudos for putting your thoughts to words. Very clearly written article which remains faithful to the topic. Keep writing more Anoop . We all keep refining ourselves in this( writing and reading) process.

    • Anoop Gupta

      Hello Kaku

      Welcome to my blog. I am so happy to see you taking out your time to read this post.

      Thanks for your words of encouragement.

    • Anoop Gupta

      You are right Pam. Its “Root” and not “Route”. My mistake. Thanks for pointing out.

  2. Abhijit

    Agree with you totally. That is why Sri Krishna talks about “nishkaam karma”. Though in our lives it is difficult to practice, we should have realistic expectation and should not get crestfallen if our expectation does not mature.

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